So, I was getting ready for a date the other night and it got me thinking...I'm a shit ton more calm about this than I was in my early twenties. Maybe that's a direct result of being on literally 9000 dates in the past five years (And lets be honest, I'm probably grossly under estimating that number), but I like to think of it more as an age related affliction.
In my early twenties I would have some pretty epic freak outs before a date. I mean like almost to the point of a panic attach. Suddenly all my clothes were ugly, frayed and made me feel like a spice girl, and my weight had blustered to blue whale size (now, I'd like to go back then and punch that girl in the face. I miss my gym butt.)
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| What do you mean you don't want to go out again? I wore my best tiger print pants you bitch! |
Now a days I tend to be pretty relaxed. So much so that it's causing some issues.
The thing is, I no longer worry about what outfit I'm going to wear. I kind of know what looks super hot by trial and error. Silver jeans (most recently skinnies, but more on that later), a nice laid back boyfriend blazer which tucks in my waist and a pop of colour under that blazer, usually blue because it makes my eyes go BANG.
Even makeup is no longer an issue. I can honestly remember going for dates with BAR makeup. Sexy right. Everyone likes a girl that looks like a raccoon who just got punched in the face with a disco ball...and I did that in the day time.
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| It would have looked fine if I would have accessorized with that feather necklace like this nice young lady. |
Now I have it down to a science, although now I'm also dodging wrinkles. Sometimes those wise grooves come in handy though, the cat eye look is WAY easier to pull off when your eyeliner brush is such in a canyon.
Hair is a snap. I have found my best look is with some soft touchable waves (and suddnly I'm a pantene commercial, wait for it...wait for it...I'm going to do the hair shake next.). Back in the day I would try out all sorts of thing before a date. The ill fated side bun? Looked awesome, and then as I was leaving I discovered the freaking thing had fallen out and I just looked crazy (surprisingly that guy never called me again. What, a gradual rats nest appearing at the nape of my neck is no longer considered attractive? Whatever bro.). Or how about that braid that doubles as a hair band? Yeah. My hair is slightly unruly, I think that bitch unwound herself before I even had the first sip of coffee.
Yep, these days it's easy. It takes me a solid hour to look like a god damn VS model (plus some ass...minus some boob, add some wrinkles and minus a tan, plus some cellulite...okay you get the idea.). The problem here lies in the fact that I know it doesn't take long.
So the last date I went on, I had three hours until I had to meet the guy. The place was five minutes from my place, so I figured I had lots of time. Might as well take a nap.
minus 40 mins.
Then I started getting my face ready. I'd get an eye done, then get distracted and start painting my toe nails just in case I decide to wear sandals in September in Canada (Always a wise idea for evening dates). I then would start to cook supper, and change my mind half way through.
Minus an hour.
Well shit. Time is ticking down. Better throw my clothes on and start on my hair. I'd get halfway through my clothes, then pop a couple waves into my hair before wandering off to play with the cat. Finally, with 30 minutes until I had to leave I'm READY. I gobble down some food, and relax.
10 minutes to go, do a spot check on my face.
Well shit. I only did one eye. Okay hang on, lets not go all clockwork orange up in this shit.
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| I'm pretty sure Ke-dollar sign-ha copied my look. |
8 minutes to go. Fucking hell. How did I only manage to get half my freaking hair done too?!?? Better fire up the ol' curling iron and fix that.
1 minute behind schedule: Where the hell did I put those blue leopard print flats?
3 minutes behind schedule: OKAY NOW SERIOUSLY?? WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY KEYS.
3 minutes late: Come on phone, google map this shit. You said this place was only five minutes from my house? Where the hell is it??
10 minutes late: Why is there no door on this building.
11 minutes late: Text date and ask why there isn't a door on this building.
15 minutes late: Text date and inform him you found the door.
15 and a half minutes late: Text date and inform him that you found the door.
16 minutes late: Text date and inform him that the door you found is in fact a fake door, and you will continue the door search and inform him when you find a door.
16 and a half minutes late: Text date and inform him you found the door, and brace self for your first impression being both stupid and crazy.
I think next time I'm going to give myself a bit of extra time.
